What goes on in my head as I play endless games of MVP 2005 while putting off housework on my day off:
Orsillo: Hello everybody! It is improbably good weather for early April here in Toronto as the Boston Red Sox get ready to take on the Toronto Blue Jays. The sun is out, the Skydome is open, and the players are about ready to take the field. Red Sox skipper Terry Francona has announced that the Red Sox will be going with a 6-man rotation for most of April to give ace Curt Schilling an extra day of rest each week.
Remy: Ya, Don - even though Schilling was miraculously ready for the opening day victory over the Yankees in which opposing pitcher Randy Johnson got shelled like the beaches at fucking Normandy, Tito is still taking no chances. Schilling isn't exactly happy about it, but what can you do?
Orsillo: So Bronson Arroyo will be the starting pitcher today for the Red Sox, opposite Jay's "ace" Roy Halladay. Taking a look at the Sox starting lineup, we have Johnny Damon batting leadoff, Renteria batting second, Manny Ramirez batting third with Ortiz fourth at DH. We then have Varitek, Millar, Nixon and Mueller, with Bellhorn in the nine hole.
Remy: Manny is off to an absolutely incredible start this year, batting .567 so far, and Ortiz isn't that far behind him. Tell me, though, Don - what is up with Millar this season? He seems to have gotten skinnier and...well, black. Does anyone know that story with this guy? He's also been struggling with the bat a bit, too.
Orsillo: Jerry, no one knows why Millar showed up to camp this year as a black man, but the team is just rolling with it. Millar himself has been making fun of the situation, saying that he is the C.Thomas Howell of Major League Baseball, but players who have had the misfortune to be with Millar in the showers have said that it is definitely not body paint he is wearing, so who knows. As far as the struggles at the plate are going, Papa Jack has been giving Millar a little extra attention and expects him to come around soon.
Remy: Are we sure it's actually Kevin Millar? Has anyone looked into this? I mean, the resemblance just isn't there at all. I gotta be honest with you, it's kind of disturbing.
Orsillo: Don't you have a hotdog stand to open or something? Don't rock the boat, Jerry....And here's the first pitch of the game. Damon takes a weak hack at it and lines weakly out to the first baseman. Let's take a look at the Blue Jays defense.
Remy: Let's not. I mean, the Sox have cream-pied them the last two games - what's the point?
Oh ya, and this game is available in Spanish by turning the SAP function on your television. Buenos tardes, amigos.
Orsillo: Ahem. Right. Renteria flies out to centerfield, and here comes our 2004 World Series MVP, Manny Ramírez. Manny has been on a tear this spring, hasn't he, Jerry?
Remy: Absolutely, Don. I was talking with him the other day and asked him what he thought was the reason for his early hot streak, and Manny said: Krispy Kreme.
Orsillo: Well Manny obviously skipped his breakfast today because he just flied out to shallow centerfield to end the first half of the inning.
(later on, top of the fourth)
Remy: Well, Francona has to be reconsidering his decision about the six-man rotation now. Arroyo is out there with absolutely nothing. I mean he looks fucking terrible. He's got none of his pitches working. The Jays are only leading by one, but that is really not indicative of the garbage that Arroyo has been throwing out there.
Orsillo: Indeed, Jerry. Meanwhile, Halladay has been absolutely magical, setting the entire Sox lineup down in order.
Remy: They really fucking suck today. There's just no excuse for some of the at-bats they've been putting together. Well, wait a minute, they might have something going on here.
Orsillo: Renteria and Manny have both reached on basehits, and now here's Big Papi. He takes the first pitch outside for a ball...Halladay delivers the second pitch - and Ortiz got all of that one! It is way back to straight-away centerfield and gone! The Sox lead 3-1!
Remy: Well it's about time, Don. I thought Arroyo might just die out there on the mound, but let's see if he can get a little confidence back now that he'll be pitching with a lead...
(bottom of the fourth, two outs, Eric Hinske up to bat)
Orsillo: Arroyo looks like he might be settling in now. Here's the pitch - hit down the third base line! Hinske is off like a shot -
Remy: What in the hell is Manny doing out there, playing Simon Says? Run and get the fucking ball, you moron! My god, I've never seen anyone get a worse read off the bat in my entire career, Don.
Orsillo: Meanwhile, Hinske is heading for third! Manny's got the ball - there's going to be a play at the plate - Hinske avoids the tag and is safe with an inside the park home run! Unbelievable. Jerry, I'm not really sure what was going on in Manny's head just now but I'm willing to bet that it wasn't quantum physics.
Remy: To hell with this, Don, I'm going to get a beer.
(top of the fifth, one out, Bellhorn singles to right, Damon strikes out AGAIN)
Remy: Who the hell does Damon think he is, swinging at all these pitches, Shea Hillenbrand?
Orsillo: Actually, Jerry, Hillenbrand is on the Blue Jays now and is 2 for 2 right now with a single and a double.
Remy: Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick...
Orsillo: Here comes Renteria with Bellhorn on first - and Renteria CRUSHES over the centerfield wall! He saw the first pitch coming and just let loose. The Sox lead 5-2. Now Manny steps into the batter's box, no doubt with something to prove after his adventure in left field last inning. And Manny takes Halladay deep on the first pitch as well! That's back to back home runs, and the Sox now lead 6-2!
Remy: And to think that Halladay earned a Cy Young award over Pedro Martinez. That's like giving Lil Jon a Grammy for "Crunk Juice" instead of Alicia Keys. Unbelievable...
Remy: I said that was unbelievable.
Remy: I SAID it was UNBELIEVABLE.
Remy: Hey Don, ever had a RemDawg? Cause if not, I got one for you right here, pal -
Orsillo: Sweet Jesus, Ortiz clobbered that pitch into the seats in left field for yet another home run off of Roy Halladay, making it three in a row! I can't believe no one has pulled the pitcher!
Remy: Someone zoom in on the Toronto bench...Grady, is that you?
Orsillo: The Sox are now ahead by five runs. Looks like we're going to get to see a game of baseball after all.
(later on, bottom of the ninth)
Remy: Well, Arroyo managed to hold on to the lead, which is amazing considering it looked like he left his stuff dead on a mattress at a Motel 8 this morning. He really had some difficulty early on.
Orsillo: Ya, Jerry, we've all been there. I'm sure you remember what it was like trying to do the color commentary after Pesky's last birthday party.
Remy: Oh yes, Pin the Bunny-Tail on the Hooker - how could I ever forget?
Orsillo: And Matt Mantei climbs the ladder on Rios for the final out and the Red Sox win it 7-3. The Sox now have a two game lead in the AL East, followed by the Jays in second place, the Orioles in third, the D-Rays in fourth and the New York Yankees in dead-fucking-last. It's almost too good to be true, isn't it Jerry?
Monday, February 28, 2005
What goes on in my head as I play endless games of MVP 2005 while putting off housework on my day off:
A couple quick things:
Check out this feel-good story on Tim Wakefield, who seems like one of the nicest people in the world. Unfortunately, I still think he should be the one to go to the bullpen if and when Wade Miller is healthy enough to join the starting rotation. Nice guys always come in last.
Keeping in the pitching vein, Abe Alvarez is scheduled to start a spring training game against the Yankees, which is way cool. Alvarez pitched the first game of a day/night doubleheader last year against the Orioles in which he received a loss, but will be first among minor league pitchers to get called up when the need arises. I can't wait to have a look at some of these minor leaguers I've been hearing so much about. If they pan out and turn into productive Red Sox one day, I will make a bronze statue of Theo Epstein and worship it like a heathen in ancient Babylon because the man not only delivered unto us the Holy Grail, but he also turned around the Unholy Farm System.
And, finally, an article from someone about Millar's continuing quest to improve his reputation as a defensive first baseman. Let me just say that I, for one, really don't think that Millar is that bad at first base, and I'm a little confused as to why he is excoriated for his defensive play. Now, right field is a totally different story - in right field, Millar turns into in a fucking whirlwind nightmare. But on the bag, he's not that bad. The worst memory I have of Kevin Millar defensively was his failure to flip the ball to an on-coming Pedro Martínez in Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, and then winding up flat on his belly watching the runner tag up safely. That sucked. But other than that, I think he's just fine. Plus I hated Mientkiewicz.
And I should mention the fickle nature of my character. All winter long I've been whining about how I can't wait until spring training. Now that Spring Training is here, I'm whining about not being able to wait for the regular season to start. Why don't I just shut up?
Friday, February 25, 2005
Some screen shots from the new MVP 2005 on PS2.
WARNING: This game will make you FIEND for Opening Day.
This videogame shit keeps on getting more and more realistic. This game has everything. The rosters are up to date (with a few exceptions, like Sosa still being on the Cubs.) The batters swing like their real-life counterparts. The pitchers wind up and follow through like their real-life counterparts. Every ballpark is amazingly detailed. (Except on the Green Monster, instead of the Jimmy Fund thing it says "World Series Champs" on it, and hey - that wouldn't be a bad idea for a year!) And did I mention that our very own Manny Ramírez is on the cover? Another cool thing about MVP 2005 is that you can play it two player, but only if you have a special adapter, which we don't. My husband and I have just been taking turns each playing an inning apiece, and it works out fine. I hit a grand slam over the Green Monster with Trot last night, and struck out the side once with Curt Schilling. (We're still learning.) It's super cool. The only bad thing is that if you don't pull your runners up at first base, sometimes they slip into some sort of "Manny Mode" and just keep running, which sucks if you are in "Manny Mode" yourself and are giving high-fives to your husband over your base hit instead of paying attention to the game. And also, since Kevin Millar isn't allowed to be in any of these games, they just made some guy up to fill in for him, and it happens to be a thin, brown-skinned guy with a blonde goatee named Anthony, which is sort of funny. All in all I have to give this game two guns way up and recommend it highly if baseball video games are your thing. If they're not, better not try to come over and hang out for the next two or three months.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Bring it on!!!
Nonny, nonny, the gang's all here! Unfortunately, I had to take Manny Ramirez off of my "Who's Hot in the World of Men" list. Until further notice, Manny is only hot from the neck down, which disqualifies him from being on the small, highly selective "Who's Hot" list since complete overall hotness is required. The standings are expected to change as soon as Manny gets that dirty mop off of his head.
And speaking of cool people with wack haircuts:
I got my hurr did again.
Arroyo jokes need not apply. ;)
It's that time of year again: time for every baseball periodical in the world to predict the Red Sox second to the Yankees in the AL East. What else is new. But I say Fuck That! Not only are the Red Sox going to go deep into October again this year, but they are going to finish first in the Eastern Division and keep the boot tight on those pinstripey motherfuckers' necks. That's my prediction. But than again, I've also predicted that the Indians will win the AL Central this year, so what the fuck do I know.
Every magazine I've read - Street & Smiths, Athlon, Lindy's and the Sporting News baseball preview - has brought up questions concerning the starting rotation for this year as the main thing holding the Sox back to second place. For one thing, will they stay healthy? My Magic 8Ball says "No." Last year the entire rotation - even Pedro - was healthy for the entire season. But there are a couple of question marks this year, namely Schilling's ankle and Wade Miller's rotator cuff, closely followed by David Wells's back. However, there are six starters for five spots in the rotation, not to mention John Halama, who can spot-start in a pinch, which provides the Sox with some protection should anyone go down. Another starting rotation question: Will the 2005 rotation be equal in production to the 2004 staff? Again, a lot will depend on Wade Miller's return to health, as well as Clement's ability to adjust to the tougher AL batting lineups. If healthy, a starting rotation of Schilling, Wells, Miller, Clement and Arroyo should be able to come quite close to matching last year's win totals. Remember last year that Wakefield was very inconsistent and that Arroyo's 10 wins were not reflective of his solid performance. This year, Wakefield will hopefully be in the bullpen and Arroyo up somewhere around 12-14 wins which, for a number five starter, ain't that bad.
The one area about which no one had anything negative to say was the offense and the bench. Well no kidding. Top to bottom, the batting order is a machine. Hopefully we can put all that "career year" bullshit from 2003 to rest, finally. I have to say, however, that as much as I love Mark Bellhorn, I don't really expect him to have a year like last year, but hey, I could be wrong. He did hit 27 homers one year, so I guess anything can happen. But I expect him to be dwelling near the bottom of the lineup for most of the year.
Hanley Ramirez was universally picked as the best prospect in the organization - yet another shocker. But one magazine suggested that, should the Red Sox season be a failure, Theo could trade Ramirez to fill a hole. I think that this would be a mistake. By all accounts, Hanley is very near to being ready for a shot at the majors, and I'd love to see him take over centerfield next year. He has mentioned a willingness to move to the outfield, and he was tearing it up in the Dominican Winter Leagues this year, so I would assume that his slugging ability is just about there, too. I think that there is also a good chance that we will see Kevin Youkilis join the starting lineup next year as well - maybe even earlier if Bill Mueller's knee continues to be a shit-pit mess. Jon Lester, Jon Papelbon and Abe Alvarez were all mentioned as the organization's top pitching prospects, and position players Dustin Pedroia and Brandon Moss were given a nod as well.
And that is my brief tour of the baseball magazines' take on the 2005 Boston Red Sox, for whatever it's worth. Um, I have no way to end this post, so uhm, goodbye, and stuff.
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Monday, February 21, 2005
Who wouldn't want to pile on this?
A-Rod is getting beat down like a crippled child molester in a San Quentin shower room.
Now, normally, I am one of those people that quickly tire of hearing the same thing over and over and over. For example, I refuse to see either "Meet the Parents" or "Meet the Fockers" because I'm so tired of hearing people tell me how great they are. I've never seen an episode of Seinfeld (that's right folks, never) because I got tired of hearing about it before I had a chance to see it. Kramer, George, "No soup for you!" Blah blah blah. Okay, I get it, I get it. But this A-Rod thing...somehow it just never stops being funny to me. Yes, there's been a lot of it going around. And maybe it is class-less. But it's like waiting in a traffic jam for an hour and a half and then finally driving past the smoking wreckage and trying to force yourself NOT to look at any dead bodies or triage cases - it's horrible to witness, yet strangely compelling. It's like in Lord of the Flies, when the weaker Piggy had the Conch and was attempting to speak, and the other stronger, more feral kids dropped a huge fucking rock on his head. (Only Piggy was infinitely more likeable than A-Rod.) Something primal in me is satisfied by seeing Alex Rodriguez thoroughly tonge-lashed. Proof that I am a terrible and vidictive person, but I guess I could blame that on my zodiacal sign if I believed in that shit. So I say bombs away, Boston Red Sox. My husband is waiting for Cesar Crespo to take a pot-shot. Now, wouldn't that be something?
And here are some new additions to our wardrobe:
Big Dada. I love this jersey so much it makes my chest hurt to look at it.
Full Squad workouts today! I. MUST. HAVE. PICTUUUUURRRRRRRES!
Friday, February 18, 2005
First of all, let me preface this with a short apology to those of you who post comments on this blog. I don't exactly know what the comment protocol is, but I get worried that I'm supposed to respond to the comments people leave me, but I'm always at work when people are leaving them since I have a scum-bag second-shift gig. So, thanks for the comments, and I'm sorry that I'm not around until 11pm to respond to them, but I appreciate your readership.
Anyway, back to baseball.
Weird. Just weird.
But at least Boomer seems to be an honest dude. When asked about how he ended up on the Boston Red Sox after his years of tenure as a Yankee pitcher, Wells said this: "...Then Theo [Epstein] called me the next day and asked if I was interested in coming to Boston. I told him, `I don't know. I'd have to think about it.' Fact is, I've never said anything good about it. I've always been an archrival. We sat and talked over the phone and worked it out." I like that he didn't just show up with a bunch of ingenious comments about how excited he was to add to the rivalry and all that crap. I might not like David Wells, but at least he's keepin' it real.
Wells also added to what the New York Daily News referred to as a "pile-on assault against Alex Rodriguez" by the Red Sox: "[Rodriguez] is a five-tool player. He's one of the best out there. But I remember reading his press conference when he went there. He said a `we' in his conference, like he's won three or four rings with them, and he hasn't. That kind of disturbed me . . . He shouldn't put himself in that category, like he's been there the whole time. He's got to earn it." Basically, A-Rod, what everyone is trying to tell you is that you're not cut from the same pinstriped cloth that the rest of your Yankee "buddies" are. (I would venture to suggest that this lable of unworthiness would also extend to Gary Sheffield and Kevin Brown, put unfortunately no one has piled on them yet. I've got a pile for you right here, assholes.) I love this line of attack because it probably pisses A-Rod off more than anything. He wants so badly to fit in, but his insecurity takes the form of arrogance and outright vanity, and he keeps putting off the very clique to which he's trying to belong with his self-obsessed bullshit.
Unfortunatly, Terry Francona does not enjoy the A-Rod bashing as much as I do, and has talked about having a team meeting with the goal being to stop the shit-talking. I see his point. Talking smack is pretty unprofessional and uncalled for...but A-Rod is so weak and slimy, and his come-backs suck. When you run across a dude like that it's like blood in shark-infested water...Francona also wants to get Bill Belichick down to Florida to talk to his team about the pitfalls of defending a championship, which would be, like, way cool.
And speaking of shit-talking, Curt Schilling wasted no time in opening his big yap as soon as pitchers and catchers reported. In summary: "Blah blah blah my ankle blah blah Randy Johnson blah blah blah more subtle slams at Pedro blah blah blah." I don't know to whom exactly the "how long before I have to stop listening to you" shirt was aimed, but I commiserate.
p.s. I scored a 156 on the Sleeze Test. My blog partner, Paulie, scored a 162. I know what makes up our difference, and while I can't disclose it fully, I've got one word for you, Paul: Amsterdam.
Thursday, February 17, 2005
Apparently the Red Sox Powers That Be are afraid of being "insensitive" by handing out the 2004 World Championship rings at the Red Sox home opener since that game will be played against one of the teams they defeated to get the title - the MotherFucking Yankees. This is some of the dumbest shit I've ever heard. For one thing, the Sox don't owe the Yankees a goddamn thing, cause you know for sure that Steinbrenner would go ahead with it if the shoe was on the other foot. I have been looking forward to that moment all winter; getting to see the Sox handed their rings while Slappy, Captain Intangibles, Jorge Passballa and all the other Pinstripers get to look on from the visiting dugout, hopefully with thoughts of their horrible choke job and how that could have been them dancing in their heads on what would surely be one of the sweetest days of my baseball fandom. But no. Some politically correct motherfucker is trying to rain on my parade, and I don't like it. It's not my fault as a fan that the schedule for 2005 was rigged for tv ratings, with the first and last weeks of the season being filled with Yankees games, and neither is it our fault that the Yankees suffered from the worst case of Dick In Mouth Disease in the history of baseball last October. Lets see the Sox get their rings on the day of their home opener just like any other team would, and fuck the Yankees and their hurt feelings.
The article did say one thing that cheered me up, however: "Out of respect to Garciaparra and Martínez, numbers 45 and 5 will not be given out this season and possibly longer. Both are candidates to have their number retired at Fenway at some point in the future." Sweet!
And finally, it's the first Official Day of Spring Training! Whoopppeeeeeeeeee!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005
We're only one day away from the start of the 2005 baseball season, and only a month and a half away from Opening day, when the Sox will step onto the field at Yankee Stadium as official defenders of the World Championship Title. But the Sox/Yanks rivalry seems to be in midseason form already, with Trot sniping at A-Rod from Ft. Meyers. In reference to an earlier interview in which Rodriguez bragged about his tough workout schedule and insinuated that other baseball players were at home asleep or taking their kids to school, Trot asked: "What makes you so much better?....I'm not a deadbeat dad....OK, you're a clown....When people ask me about the Yankees, I tell them about Jeter, Bernie Williams, Posada. I don't tell them about Rodriguez." Right on, Trot - you tell 'em, kiddo. I'm tired of A-Rod's constant self-martyrdom as well. It makes A-Rod look like a delusional, arrogant idiot who obviously thinks he's better than everyone else in baseball, including his own teammates. If he was that much better than everyone else, then why did he go 2-17 in the last four games of the ALCS? And how about when he was finally driven by his own cheap desperation to slap at Arroyo's glove to try to give himself a moment of glory? Fuck you, A-Rod.
Speaking of the Yankees, yesterday while I was doing laundry in the basement, I started reading "Last Night of the Yankee Dynasty," by Buster Olney. An excellent read, especially since I am totally baseball starved right now. Even though the book was about how fucked up and dysfunctional that organization is, it sort of gave me a new, though grudging, respect for the team by using a lot of their past glories held up as examples against their current fucked-upedness. Good read.
Monday, February 14, 2005
There's something about spring training that makes me so happy that I think I might hug Kenny Lofton, too. Actually I've found myself wanting to hug him before, when he failed to catch that bloop which resulted in a blown save by Rivera, but that was a long time ago. Kenny Lofton is no longer with the dirty Pinstripers. Manny Ramírez will probably still be hugging anyone and everyone he can find, but this year he won't just be "Manny Ramírez, Sarah's Favorite Playa and Best Right-Handed Hitter in the Game," he will be "Manny Ramírez, Defending World Champion, Yeeeeaaaaaah, Beeeitches, How You Like Me Now??"
A lot of things will be different this year.
1. First thing that comes to my mind is: No more 1918 chants. None of us ever have to hear that number ever again. Ever. And don't believe the media hype - it feels fucking awesome to be a fan of a winning team. The only thing that could possibly make me feel any cooler is if they went out and won it all again this year.
2. We will never have to see those hideous red alternate jerseys again. Apparently Derek Lowe thought that they were good luck. I think they made everyone look like a big fat tomato.
3. Shortstop won't be a revolving door this year. That position belongs solely to one Edgar Renteria. I saw three or four Cardinals games last year (one of the few benefits of living in a National League town,) and Renteria was fun to watch. This is one of the guys who is going to make me say "Man, that's kinda fucked up," the first time I see him in a Sox uniform, but I'm looking forward to it.
4. Which brings me to David Wells. I can't say that I'm necessarily looking forward to seeing him in a Sox uniform, but it will definitely be fucked up. I guess there always has to be that one dude on the team who I just root for because of the B on his hat, and this year I think it's gonna be David Wells. Which is funny because he sort of replaced Derek Lowe, who was my least favorite player from last season. Wells is a douchebag. This opinion might be mitigated by his health status and his accumulation of wins over the course of the year, but I'm not holding my breath.
5. I wonder when it's finally going to sink in that Pedro is actually gone for real. I've already seen him training with the Mets...but it's just not getting through yet.
6. I'm going to kick off this season with a little faith and confidence in Terry Francona, whereas last year around this time I had no faith in him whatsoever, and then he went on to prove me right for four months.
But the more things change, the more things stay the same. There will still be baseball in that beautiful green box of a ballpark they call Fenway. Jerry Remy will still be announcing and we'll still hear stories about Don Orsillo's adventures at RemDawg's. I'm sure that we'll still be persecuted by the Foxwoods commercials and the 4th inning Aflack trivia question. There will be wins and losses, day games, night games, Patriot's day games, dramatic homeruns, dramatic and gut clenching errors (not to mention any names (manny)), Green Monster shots, Dale Sveum's Windmill of Futility, Sweet Caroline, Dirty Water...all of the good stuff. Some of the bad. Not too far away now...
There is something about spring training. Seeing pictures of the team working out in various stages of appropriate dress, and always with that low, flat Florida horizon behind them. It's like the first sign that the world is going to warm up again after shithole winter. Even before the first leaf bud on a tree or the first gusty, 60 degree day when you can feel the sun shining overhead with just a little bit more gusto...Somewhere it is warm, and somewhere a bunch of dudes are playing baseball. And when they come up to play for us, they'll bring the warm weather and sunshine with them.
Saturday, February 12, 2005
I can't believe I am actually going to type this: I have never had more respect for any of the Yankees than I have for Jason Giambi. Gary Sheffield, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, Big Mac, I-Rod, whoever, go fuck yourselves. You can't carry Giambi's tiny little steroid riddled jock. When every major athlete who was nailed for cheating (as that was taking steroids is), they either denied it until they were under oath. Only then admitted to thinking it was hand lotion or a sports drink (Sheffield and Bonds) or have all together just straight up denied it (McGwire and Sosa, even though Sosa looks more comic book character like than human being).
Giambi came clean. He said he took steroids. His post steroid career has been a joke. The Yankees want to void his contract (fucking pay it already, you offered him the money), and have signed Tino Martinez, the re-replacer. Martinez was let go to make room for Giambi, not it is full circle.
I actually feel bad for the man. Because of the legalities of the BALCO case, he can't even acknowledge what he talked about, as his"confidential" grand jury testimony was leaked to a newspaper. All he can do is say he is sorry. Who hasn't made a mistake? If you were a marginal baseball player, had a wife and kids, and stuck making $1000 a month in the minors and you could get an edge that might lead you to enough money for you and all of your families lives, wouldn't you consider it? I know I would. Have you ever bad-mouthed someone to get ahead? If the answer is yes, than what makes Giambi worse than you? At least he admitted to the world that he fucked up, which is more than most people can say.
I still hate the Yankees with every ounce of my being. I want them to have the highest payroll in baseball and loose every game in the most humiliating way possible. I hate Jeter, A-Rod, Tino, Sheffield, Matsui, Rivera, Moose, Kevin Brown, Carl Pavano, even though last year I could give a shit less about him, Torre, and especially the little rat man, Jorge Possada. I hate all of them. This has been my mantra every year, except now I am a Giambi fan. Although I want every Yankee to hit .086 and want Andy Pettittee and Roger Clemens to combine for more RBIs than the whole Yankee team, I want Giambi to do well. Show people you can do well clean and seriously fuck yourself when you take steroids.
Well, everybody, I've long suspected it, and now here is proof that Paul is a better person than me because, as they say, "to err is human, but to forgive is divine." I'm nowhere near forgiving that son of a bitch worm Giambi, much less rooting for his cheating ass. I don't care how many times he says he's sorry. I don't care if he shows up at my house with a case of Newcastle and a mountain of Indian take-out and seventeen latina strippers and gets down on his hands and knees and begs me for forgiveness, I still wouldn't like the guy.
I haven't forgotten the two homers he hit off of Pedro in game 7 of the ALCS - the same game the Red Sox lost by one fucking run. In my mind, Jason Giambi stole from me, he stole from Pedro, he stole from the 2003 Red Sox and he stole from every Red Sox fan, and I hate his guts. Perhaps my sentiments should be tempered by the Sox's 2004 championship, but I find that when I remember game 7, I still feel sick to my stomach a little bit. So fuck you, Giambi.
But Paul, you're a little angel! :)
Friday, February 11, 2005
Well, aren't all you New England types just lucky as all get-out with your fancy-pants ALCS re-runs. I bet you think you're sooooooooooo smart, don't you? I bet you're having just a wonderful, gay old time watching your baseball and scoffing at me, the unlucky denizen of Ohio who, instead of getting to relive with you your fabulous baseball memories, lives in a Red Sox-less exile, forced to endure conversations about how Eric Milton is going to propel the Reds past the Cardinals this year. (Ahem, not a chance.) Well....fine. Fine. But just know this. You're not the only one who can watch the ALCS over again. No sir eee. I could watch it too 'cause I have them on tape so HA! Except we taped over games 1, 2 and 3, and we didn't even bother taping game 4. And then Game 5 was so long that the tape ended and we were forced to start taping over the beginning of the game, so if you watch it now you see the last two innings first, and then the middle eight innings, which is pretty dumb. So really we only have Games 6 and 7 in their entirety. So, uh, that's pretty half-ass, I guess.
But, I ask you - can any of you watch David Ortiz's Easter walk-off homerun against the Blue Jays? Can you watch the Sox/Dodgers game with Pedro on the mound featuring Pokey's amazing, sky-scraping play at second base? Can you watch the mid-season Rangers game with Trot Nixon dropping a vicious elbow on the Pedro Martínez bobblehead doll? Or how about Game 5 of the 2003 ALDS? Or Cabby's walk-off homer against the Orioles? Can you watch that? HUH? Well I can, so there. I bet NESN won't be replaying THOSE games any time soon. You'd have to know someone as cool as ME who had the foresight to tape all those games and be able to go over to MY crib and watch them. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!
Now then, that's said...
WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I WANNA WATCH TOOOOOOOOOO!
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
Monday, February 07, 2005
A Dynasty is Born.
My grandpa is 84 years old, and if you get him talking about sports, he'll tell you some pretty cool stories. Last time we were talking about baseball he was reminiscing about all the great Cardinals teams he had seen over the years and how much he loved watching Stan Musial play. If I ever have kids, and if they ever have kids, then I'll be telling my grandkids about Tom Brady's Patriots and the year the Red Sox finally won the World Series. That's how cool this year has been in the world of sports. I mean, damn...how can it get any better than this? What next - are the Celtics gonna win, too? I do believe that would signal the opening of the Seventh Seal and the true start of the Apacolypse.
So. The SuperBowl is over, another happy ending for the Patriots. Now begins the long, agonizing wait for Spring Training. This is the time of year where I start to get desperate. Cold weather, no baseball, short daylight hours, college basketball...ugh. I'm dying for some 80-degree weather, a little sunshine, and my nightly sermons at the Church of Baseball conducted by the Reverend Jerry Remy. Opening Day is still almost two months away, and how sweet it will be.
Looking ahead, 2005 seems to be shaping up as a pretty interesting year. First and foremost I am interested to see how the rotation pans out. There are a couple of question marks that could either turn out to be brilliant (Wade Miller comes back to full strength and turns into a legit No. 2 behind Schilling,) or terrible (David Wells throws his back out getting down off a bar stool.) Then there is Matt Clement, who will also be interesting to watch. The guy has a lot of potential, but switching from the NL to the AL is pretty tough. And while we're talking about the starting rotation, it's going to be very, very strange when I finally realize that Pedro is no longer in it.
My second thing that I'm looking forward to is watching Edgar Renteria. Yes, we're paying the guy way more than he is worth. However, I like his type of ballplayer - contact hitters who can flash some leather. Homeruns are great and dramatic, but good defense is bad ass. I'm looking forward to watching Renteria do his thing.
And then there are the little things. Will Bellhorn have a year comparable to 2004? Will Trot stay healthy for the majority of the season? Will Manny still be wearing the dead octopus hairdo? Is Kevin Millar really going to show up to spring training in shape? It's so hard to have to wait!!
Saturday, February 05, 2005
Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Gnarly work injury that is healing improperly.
Nathan (a.k.a. Sugar Sheatzley) trying to figure out what the fuck it is.
This is the unfortunate thumb of one of my sous chefs, Frakes (also known as "Poopsie" or "ShitCurtain.") Frakes nearly lopped the corner of this particular digit off with his brand new knife and tried to coerce the piece left hanging off to grow back on...obviously it's not working out for him. Anyhow, when Mike got home from work last night he told me how fucked up Frakes' thumb was, so I was pretty excited to get a peep at it tonight. Fortunately for you all, I had my camera with me. Frakes gets all the good injuries.
Incidentally, Frakes is the originator of the Rally Cuff. He's the one who started doing it, and for this reason he has most of the good rally cuff mojo...it only works for me sometimes. Here's another picture of Frakes for your edification:
Frakes is on the left. The one on the right is my other sous chef, Jonathan. Bet they're glad they let me take this picture now. We're all trained professionals - please don't try this at home.