The Boston Red Sox: Defenders of the 2004 World Championship!! "Whoever plunges into his experiences with the momentum of hope, will remember so that he cannot forget." - Soren Kierkegaard.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004


Send in the clowns. Posted by Hello
Click here to hear the new Red Sox theme song.

Okay, there are so many problems with this team right now that it is hard for me to single out any one problem as being worse than another...but I have decided to place most of the blame on Terry Francona. The Red Sox look absolutely face-down in the water right now, and Francona is doing nothing to motivate them outside of blabbing his normal drivel about how the team is about to turn the corner and if they keep on trying good things are going to happen blah blah blah. Face it - Francona is way in over his head on this one. This asshole couldn't manage his way out of a wet paper bag. I wish I had this asshole's cellphone number so that I could scream directly into his ear (or even his voicemail) about how much I hate his guts and what a shitty job he's doing.
- why is Brian Daubach in AAA instead of, say...Cesar Crespo? I mean, I know that Crespo has more versatility as a position player, but the man has absolutely NOTHING to offer offensively. At least when Dauber gets hot he gets hot. Crespo has never even been lukewarm.
- someone PLEASE fucking tell me why Kevin Millar is still in the fricking lineup every day. Hell, if Crespo is that important to the goddamn bench, why not just send Millar down to Pawtucket for Daubach??? Millar sucks at offense, he sucks at defense, and his little hair gimmicks aren't funny anymore. He just looks pathetic and desperate. I would shed nary a tear if the Sox just outrighted this guy or - better yet - somehow managed to package his worthless ass in some sort of trade for a player with a MODICUM of value to the team.
- speaking of Millar, surely we can find a better defensive first baseman. Ortiz is mediocre - at least he's no worse than Millar, is left handed and has a longer reach. But better yet, why not put Dave McCarty in the lineup on a regular basis for awhile, just to see how things work out. He can't be any worse than Millar at the plate, and he sure is a HELL of a lot better defensively. Or what about putting Youkilis at first when Mueller returns at third, and then having Bellhorn and Pokey platoon second....OR
- get Nomar the fuck off the team and let Pokey take over his rightful spot as Red Sox starting shortstop. I'm tired of seeing Nomar pouting and bitching and finding every little excuse to throw himself a pity party. Guess what Nomar, I DON'T feel bad for you. I hope that Theo is aggressively shopping that asshole for another bat, for another starting pitcher, for a pack of gum and a 32 oz. fountain drink, I don't care, just get him the fuck out of Boston. Pokey would've had it.
All that said...There are still some bright spots on the team. Manny and Ortiz are having phenomenal years. Schilling is doing great. The bullpen isn't quite the ungodly nightmare that it was last year. However, I don't hold much hope of a playoff berth at this point. Even without the reports of in-fighting that have been circulating on the internet, the Sox are lifeless at best.
It would be one thing if this team had been a dark horse to begin with, like if they were rebuilding or they had a lot of unproven players or something like that. But this team was built for October, and that's what makes their lackluster performance so unacceptable to me. I mean, last night we turned off the game in the middle and I went to go on some cathartic killing sprees on Grand Theft Auto, and I was thinking as I was playing that maybe if I just forgot the Yankees I could still enjoy the season just by focusing on the wild card race...but even that seems out of reach right now, even though the Sox are currently tied for first. I hate to say it, but I think I'm witnessing the beginning of a long, slow, painful end.

Tuesday, June 29, 2004

this is an audio post - click to play

Monday, June 28, 2004

First of all, I urge everyone (all ten of you who read this blog, anyway,) to go out and see Fahrenheit 9/11. Even if you're not a Democrat, even if you don't have the left wing leanings that I do, go out and watch this film - if not for the compelling anti-Bush arguements then at least to see footage that isn't shown to the country on the nightly news of what is really happening to our troops in Iraq.
Second of all, don't forget to vote as many times as you can to get Ortiz into the All Star game. Take a look at the other AL first basemen and tell me that you don't think he deserves it! You can vote up to 25 times (per screen names,) and as Ortiz isn't even on the map yet in the voting he needs all the help he can get!! (I've stuffed the ballot box 75 times already, so I practice what I preach.)
And the Sox are on the eve of their third meeting with the MFYs. I caused a small domestic dispute the other night by coming home drunk (my station partner and I smuggled a bottle of Captain Morgan into the theater with us - high school ahoy!) and ranting and raving about how the Sox were going to embarass themselves in the Bronx. My husband disagreed, of course, and actually told me that he wasn't talking to me anymore and went to bed, and if you know how quiet and laid back my husband is then you can guess how obnoxious I was probably being. So I'll admit to not being in a very good state of mind concerning the Red Sox right now.
However, all hope is not lost. The pitching matchups are mostly in favor of the Sox. Kevin Brown is still injured and will not pitch this series. Tomorrow is Lowe vs. Vazquez...Vazquez is actually doing much better than I figured he would, but he has a propensity to give up the long ball, and with Manny, Ortiz, and Yankee-killer Trot in the lineup this could work in our favor. Then Wakefield vs. Lieber (I think.) Lieber sucks, Wakey is WAY overdue, 'nuff said. And Thursday concludes the series with Pedro vs. Hallsey...I don't think I need to say that I like our chances there. I certainly wish that Schilling were pitching this series for a little more security, but I still think the Sox have a fighting chance. A lot will depend on if the offense can keep clicking like it has been, and if the defense decides to plays= like they poured out of a Shriner clown circus car in the player's parking lot again.
I'm looking forward to this series, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit to a little apprehension. Even the Yanks winning two out of three would be mildly disasterous. C'mon Sox!!! Let's start the season already!!!

Saturday, June 26, 2004

Someone call Al Franken cause I'm a Big Fat Liar. You know the woman on Cops who has locked herself in the bathroom after a "domestic dispute" with her live-in boyfriend who is passed out on the couch with a PBR in his hand and a mesh hat on his head, and this lady is sobbing hysterically cause the boyfriend just beat her with a plastic duck decoy yet she refuses to have him arrested and press charges because "he didn't mean it and he loves me..." You know that woman? Well that is me when it comes to the Red Sox. I just can't stay mad.
So ya, I watched the game last night. And I'm glad I did because it was a gem. It was Manny's game - the man went 3 for 4 with 5 RBIs and 9 put-outs in left field, the last of which was a dazzling diving catch to end the seventh. Manny would have gone 4-4 if not for Abreu robbing him of what would have been his 21st homer with a nice catch by the Sox bullpen. We're not taping over this one - this will be a nice game to drag out in the middle of January when we're suffering from withdrawal.
Youkilis and Ortiz also had big games last night, but the most heartening thing for me to see was Varitek having a big night offensively. He has been slumping for awhile now, and having him get hot again would be a wonderful asset. TradeBait has been making good contact with the ball lately, too. Once he gets his timing back together the middle of the lineup could be lethal...which is just what they need right now because has anyone taken a look at the schedule for July? Yikes.
So the Sox beat the Phillies' silly little asses to the tune of 12-1...Is this game just their requisite blow-out of the series, to be followed by the requisite two pathetic losses, or are the Sox at the turn of the tide? Apparently Tito held a meeting with the team in his office last night to motivate them a little bit...we'll soon see if it worked or not.

Friday, June 25, 2004

Well guess what everybody. I'm NOT watching the game tonight. That's right. Fuck 'em. I'm going out to see the midnight showing of "Fahrenheit 9-11" after work like all good Americans should do, and therefore I won't be home early enough to watch the tape of the "baseball game" (if that's what they're calling the lackadaisical shuffling that the Red Sox do these days.) I don't care if Pedro's pitching. I don't care what his record is vs. Jim Thome. I don't care if Manny hits his 19th homer. I'm NOT watching.
It doesn't matter even if they win tonight, as they will simply turn around and lose tomorrow since it is absolutely important above all else that the Sox avoid the dreaded "win streak."
Quote from Johnny Damon: "We haven't been that good in the last month. Everyone's under a microscope right now until we go out there and start winning games." Under a microscope - ya right. Not when you've got that cheesy bald little fuck in there patting all you lame-os on the heinie every time you lose a game to make sure that your feelings aren't hurt. Pussies.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

I don't even have the heart to rant. Inexcusable. This team is fucking pathetic. I'm tired of watching this half-ass bullshit. If I wanted to watch three hours worth of baseball played by a team that looked like they thought they were going to a barbeque but accidentally showed up to a major league baseball game I'd go be a Pirates fan.

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

See? What did I tell you? Fuck momentum. This team wouldn't know a winning streak if it walked up and bent a 9 iron over their fucking skulls.
If I were Terry Francona I'd make the seargant from Full Metal Jacket look like Strawberry fucking-Shortcake. I'd be walking up and down the dugout screaming things like "You may not like me, but you will respect me because I am fair! You are all equally worthless in my eyes! You, Private FatBoy! You grounded out with one out and Nomar on second in the ninth inning! Get down on your knees and choke yourself ---- no, with my hand, numbnuts!"
And to top it all off, Pokey Reese injured his thumb. X-rays were negative, but he will be having an MRI to see if/how badly he damaged the ligament. Great. Just great.
I taped over last night's game for this?

First of all, I stopped for a beer on my walk home from work and found myself asking the ages-old question, "What's up with the 33 on the Rolling Rock bottles?" If you're curious like me, here is the answer.
Anyway, fun game tonight. Excellent performance from Schilling. Ortiz, Manny and Nomar all went yard. When Nomar came up to bat in the sixth after the Twins intentionally walked Manny to load the bases, Mike said "I know what's going to happen --- fly out to the infield." I shook my head. "I don't like the guy, but I'm going to have a little faith right now," I answered, and about two seconds after I said that TradeBait hit a grand slam. Sox went on to win the game 9-2. I'd like to predict this game as being a sort of turn-around point for the Sox, but again, every time I think this they turn around and lose two in a row just to make sure they build up absolutely no momentum whatsoever. So we'll see. You'll pardon me if I remain a skeptic.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

The hot topic lately has been whether or not the Sox are going to try to trade for Beltran, and let me tell you that I am dead-set against this idea. The last thing the Sox need is another free agent, nor do they need any more offense. What the Sox need most is another reliable starting pitcher - didn't your mother ever tell you that pitching wins championships, not offense? I'm not too big on the idea of selling the farm for a rental player. If the Sox are going to dump good prospects because they're going to go for it all this season, then they need to dump them for someone (i.e. a pitcher, not another centerfielder) who is capable of making an immediate impact. Freddy Garcia, Livan Hernandez (whom I thought the Sox were going for last year when they ended up with fucking Jeff Suppan,) maybe Odalis Perez, but I don't think he'll be up for trade considering that the Dodgers don't exactly have an excess of good starting pitching (Hideo Nomo.)
In any case, I would hate to see good prospects like Youkilis and Shoppach get traded away for some three-month moron. Why don't we just start shopping TradeBait (i.e. Nomar)? He's bitter, he's angry, he doesn't want to stay, and he wants to be overpaid. In addition the Sox have a great defensive replacement for him, and I just outright don't like the guy.

Saturday, June 19, 2004


Ever wanted to know what the delicate little flower who makes all these entries looks like? Well here I am!  Posted by Hello

See, I told you that I looked like a fourteen year old boy. ::Shrug:: A face only a mother could love!
Sox dropped one to the Giants tonight, 6-4. I was just looking at the box score of the game (since I didn't get to watch it because of goddamn FOX) and I have to say that I'm sick of Terry Francona. This guy is a liability. Zsa Zsa Gabor could make a better line-up than last night's. Trot, Nomar AND Damon all out at once?? I can see either Trot or Nomar out...but Damon too? Fucking moron. Jesus Christ how are the Sox going to win games like this? I think the Sox should make me bench coach, and every time I'd see Tito try to put a lineup like that on the field I'd bash one of his toes with a ball peen hammer for every mis-placed player.
I am feeling a little more encouraged by the late-inning rallies that the Sox have been executing. Makes me think that maybe they are on the verge of good things...but it's hard to really believe that when they can't manage to go on a substantial winning streak. Maybe on the next homestand...
Jason Schmidt vs. Arroyo today. Say what you want about Arroyo (I know I have) but he's due. If the offense can keep rolling like it has and Tito doesn't decide to play Crespo, McCarty and Youkilis for Manny, David and Trot then I think we have a real chance to win.
We're spending all day on the Ohio river with my parents on their boat today, so we're going to do the poor-man's TiVO and set the vcr timer. Go Sox!!!!


FatBoy's return. Posted by Hello

I will admit to having a crisis of faith when I got home in the top of the fourth last night, just in time to see Marquis Grissom hit a three-run homer to make the score 7-2. In disgust I turned over to the Yankees game and go figure, they were winning. I sat in my chair determined not to watch any more of the Sox game, but I'm like a battered wife for the Red Sox - I just keep coming back for more, no matter how badly they treat me.
So I turned back to the game and lo and behold - I was rewarded for my lack of willpower with a seven run fifth inning. Ortiz and Manny went back to back with homeruns, and FatBoy continued the rally with a three-run homer of his own. At innings end the score was 9-7 Sox. But the fun didn't stop there. Nomar and Mirabelli went back-to-back as well, Trot hit one in the ninth, and the final score was 13-9. It was a very fun game to watch, but my favorite part of the game was something that didn't happen on tv. My friend Paulie (BucketHead) called me around midnight from PacBell to tell me how great the game was and how drunk he was and how much shit he was talking to Giants fans. I was green with jealousy. I guess that pays me back for calling him from Jacob's Field in May to tell him that I was in front row, centerfield getting ready to watch Schilling pitch.
With the Sox having scored 25 runs in the last two games and the Yankees losing back to back games for the first time since 1845, the Sox are now 3.5 back.
I would love to watch today's game (Pedro vs. Bonds, plus the added spectacle of Pedro in a batting helmet with his .095 lifetime batting average,) however, stupid goddamn FOXsports has decided to broadcast the Yanks/Dodgers game instead, so even though I paid $150 dollars for the MLB Extra Innings cable package I'm still not going to be able to watch the ONLY FUCKING INTERLEAGUE GAME I've had any interest in. Bastards. A pox on them and their families.
Schill's ankle is stable and he will be making his next scheduled start on Tuesday at Fenway vs. the Twins.

Friday, June 18, 2004

Wow - I can't believe I'm saying this but I am pleased as punch to have the opportunity: another great game from Derek Lowe yesterday! He shut out the Rockies for seven innings and in fact hasn't allowed an earned run in his last fourteen innings. Apparently whatever Mr. Lowe has been doing with the team psychologist has been working. And the ofense made its weekly appearance last night, scoring 11 runs, 5 of which belonged to David Ortiz. Papi Grande hit a two run, second-deck homer in addition to 3 other RBIs, which puts him back in the lead over Vladdy for American League ribbie king. Ortiz is on pace to hit something like 145 RBIs this year - I think everyone can now rest assured that last season wasn't just a "career year," right all you dirty pinstripers? Trot also had an excellent game, going 2-3 with a double. In fact, the only person that didn't really have a good game was my boy Manny. 0-4 - ouch.
Sox head to San Francisco to take on the Giants and that big mouthed, steroid-abusing cheater Barry Bonds. (Hey Barry, maybe everyone's not really racist, maybe they all just hate YOU. I know I do. I hope you get stripped of all your cheating-ass records, you make me sick, and I mean that honestly and sincerely from the bottom of my fucked-up heart.) I would like to say that the Sox have some sort of "momentum" going into tonight's game, but knowing them, they probably don't.
No word yet on Schill's ankle, although Remy said during the game last night that Schill called Tito from Boston yesterday and said that he felt great, so hopefully that's good news. I think they are doing the MRI today, so we should know more hopefully by tonight.
And in other news, just when I thought I had reached the nadir of my dislike for Nomar, he has to go on another whining campaign, just when the team needs it least. You know what, Nomar? I don't care about your goddamn feelings. If you have something to prove, then shut up and prove it. Didn't your little league coach ever tell you that there isn't an I in TEAM??? You don't see Trot out there whining about not being given a fair chance. I'm going to change Nomar's nickname from Mr. Useless to TradeBait. Get him outta here.
I read that Pedro and Manny were giving Fatso a couple baserunning lessons, naked and fresh out of the shower. Yowza! I'm having a really good time imagining what that would look like, but I really wish that I had photographic proof, heehee.

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

My baseball hierarchy: First there are the Red Sox - my beloved baseball team, the best baseball team in the whole wide world, regardless of standings or scoreboards. Next are two other teams that I lightweight follow, the Cardinals (my hometown team) and the Cincinnati Reds. Then there other baseball teams that aren't the Red Sox, Cards or, Reds and about whom I feel apathetic, like the White Sox, the Diamondbacks, and the Mets, for example. And then there are the other other teams that I really, really dislike. These teams fill me with loathing, and above and beyond simply disliking them, I actively root against them and wish only the worst things in life to happen to them. The Oakland A's, for example. I am proud to announce that there is a new addition to the latter category: the Colorado Rockies. This shitty team:
1) is named after a state, not a city. I hate that.
2) has someone named Kit Pellow playing for them.
3) has the most uneccessarily self-congratulatory announcers I have ever heard. I mean, I thought the YES announcers were bad (and they are, believe me - they are) but at least they have a winning record to back up all the smack they talk. The Rockies blow goats, yet the announcers haven't missed an opportunity to hate on the Red Sox the entire game. Look, it's not the Sox' fault that your hometown team is so shitty that they draw more fans from an away team. If you wanna be bitter at someone, be bitter at all the morons who live in Denver who never go to games because that franchise smokes dick.
4) Royce Clayton is one of the ugliest players in baseball.
5) if you conjugate the verb "to suck," each tense applies to the Rockies franchise history: sucks, has sucked, is sucking.
And speaking of sucking, the Sox are a fucking mess. What in the mother-fuck is wrong with this team? I'm not even going to write about it, as I would just be repeating myself from last night.
Trot homered in his second at-bat tonight. I found myself unconsciously grinning widely when I saw him step into the batter's box for the first time! I'm so excited to have him back in the lineup! Now we won't have to see so many at-bats by FatBoy - although Tito decided to pinch hit him tonight and guess what, he struck out.
Last year when the team was down late in the innings, I always felt like they were going to come back, even if there were only two outs left in the game. This year, when they trail in late innings, it just seems like they're dead in the water. I don't even want to watch anymore if they're still losing by the sixth. What in the fuck is going on?
(Note: right after I got done typing that they scored two runs in the ninth, but they still managed to lose the game so fuck em.)
I guess we'll find out about Schill's ankle tomorrow or the next day. He had a dicey start tonight, I hope that wasn't the cause of it. Fuck the Rockies.

Maybe the Sox would like to leave one more fucking man on base tonight. Fucking disgusting. I'm tired of watching this shit. 1)Tito, in all his infinite wisdom, puts KEVIN MILLAR in the fucking THREE HOLE and benches Ortiz. 2) Sox leave the bases loaded THREE FUCKING TIMES, once with no outs --- how in the fuck does that happen??? 3) Little Richard could strike Jason Varitek out. 4) So help me God I don't want to hear any excuses about the altitude. The team fucking botched it. If Trot weren't coming back tomorrow I'd be tempted not to watch the game at all. When is this mystic "spark" that the Sox are supposed to receive from the return of Trot and Nomar supposed to happen? Could someone send me a telegram so that I can tune in during that game, cause I'm tired of watching this half-ass garbage.
Four and a half games back. If the Sox keep playing like this they don't deserve to win the division. Please, Theo, tell us you have something up your sleeve! I can't take the disappointment!

....Okay, it was an angry rant. I'm over it. Of course I'll watch the game tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day. But am I worried? You bet your bottom dollar I am.
Feel free to throw this entry back in my face when I'm raving about how well the team is doing in a couple of entries. Okay, think positive, think positive.....

Do you, as a Sox fan, ever feel like you're on that freaky boat ride in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, only instead of Gene Wilder at the helm it's Terry Francona and you're sitting there clutching frantically to Manny Ramírez who's more scared than you are and right next to you is Anastacio Martínez who's shrieking like a little girl -- only Francona doesn't actually have any ability to stop and/or control the boat and is actually just along for the tour like you are?
Cause I do.

Monday, June 14, 2004


Big ups to Pokey! Sox beat Dodgers 4-1, win second straight interleague series. Posted by Hello

Tonight was a very fun game to watch. Mike and I ran across the street to the convenience store to buy junkfood and malt liquor, I took a quick bath and by the time I was out the game was on. Pedro gave up a run in the first inning, but the Sox quickly made it up in the bottom of the first thanks to an RBI single from Manny. After about six pitches from Nomo I was already tired of watching his queer-ass wind up. In the fourth or fifth inning (I can't remember so sue me) the Sox scored three runs, two of which came as a result of a wall-ball double by Pokey Reese. And if that weren't enough, Pokey had an absolutely amazing catch to end the seventh inning and more than likely save Pedro's win. I swear to god it looked like he jumped about three feet into the air to grab a line drive by Roberts. Pokey is the man, you can believe that. Once Nomar gets up to speed you won't be able to drive a golf ball through the infield.
The thing I loved most about tonight was to see another strong outing by Pedro. Once again, his curveball was filthy, and he was able to hit up to 94 mph with his fastball. At times it seemed like he struggled a little bit with his location, but in true Pedro fashion he was able to come through when it counted. And I always love to see Pokey have a good game. The Sox seemed relaxed and happy tonight - I think good things are right around the corner.
Speaking of good things, Trot will be joining the Sox on their road trip to Colorado and may be activated as soon as Wednesday! Whoopeeeee!
Oh, and almost forgot to mention that I read on Yahoo that the Sox shopped Derek Lowe to the Padres for Adam Eaton, but that the Padres weren't biting. Guess we know one free agent that won't be back in 2005.

Sunday, June 13, 2004

Well, last night was a total debacle, apparently. I didn't watch the game. I carefully avoided all forms of media so that I could go home and watch the tape of the game and be surprised by the outcome, but (fortunately) when I walked into the living room the score was on the bottom of the television screen and I quickly had to make other plans for the evening's entertainment.
I predict that Pedro is going to have a good game tonight against the Dodger. I don't believe that Nomo has been doing that great this year, so hopefully the offense can do it's thing. I'm also in agreement with my husband that Bellhorn is due for a big day soon, hopefully tonight!

Saturday, June 12, 2004


Orteezy fer sheezy! Posted by Hello

Good game tonight. Dare I say it but Derek Lowe and Odalis Perez were battling each other in what turned out to be a surprising pitching duel - let me tell you, that was the last thing I expected to sit down and watch when I got home from work tonight. Both offenses were pretty much non-existent until Ortiz hit a home run in the bottom of the seventh inning. Timlin pitched a scoreless eighth and Foulke came in in the ninth. Game over, right? Not so fast. Cue the calliope music, somebody, cause the baseball is headed toward Manny. The shut-out and Derek Lowe's win were both thrown out the window after Manny failed to catch a routine fly ball (Remy and Orsillo tried to blame it on the wind, but after a replay of the flags in left-center field it was established that "Manny botched it. That ball should be caught every time.") But no matter - Ortiz came through again with a game-winning single that scored Damon from third. I love Manny to death - I really do - if someone put a gun to my head and made me pick a favorite member of the 2004 Red Sox it would be Manny, no doubt about it - but he really sucked tonight. Three ground-outs (one into a double play) and an error. Irritating.
But in the end it was an entertaining game, and in light of the pistol-whipping that the Yankees received at the hands of the Padres tonight, it was something to celebrate.
Wakey tomorrow and then Sweet P. starts on sunday, so we'll be able to watch it live! Last year it seemed like we were always off on Wakefield's starts. This year it seems to be Pedro, which is a-okay with me.
Good to see Derek Lowe have a good game. I'm off to play some MVP 2005 with my husband. Good night.

Thursday, June 10, 2004

Curse of the Bumbino. My husband and I were walking into our apartment the other day after eating lunch at the bomb-ass Cuban restaurant down the street when some crackhead bum walked by and asked us for some money. After telling him no, like we always do, the bum asked "Are you really Boston fans?" Mike and I were both wearing batting-practice model Sox hats and Mike had a Patriots t-shirt on - the bum must have been a rocket scientist or something. The bum was like "I'm sorry for you guys, that team ain't never gonna win shit, you ain't never gonna win shit!" Maybe so, but at least I have a fucking house and a job at which I earn my own money.
Anyway. Mr. Useless returns. Trot about a week away. Williamson's return appears to be imminent...things are looking up!!! Unfortunately I haven't been able to watch the past two games because I'm an idiot. Once I forgot to set the VCR, and tonight I left a public library copy of "Julian Donkey Boy" by Harmony Korine in the VCR and I'm $80 dollars lucky that it didn't get recorded over.
By the way, regarding Nomar. I know that it's not particularly "in fashion" to talk ill of Nomar now that everyone wants to slob his knob because he hasn't played all year, but I've never been one to cave into fashion (just take a look in my closet if you want proof.) So Nomar's back - whoop-dee-friggin-doo. I'm going to buy one of those gizmos that the coaches use to keep track of pitch counts and use it to record the number of times that guy pops out. I might even get two and keep track of how many times he walks. Which gizmo do you think will get the biggest work-out?? I look to Nomar's return to give the team a shot in the arm and - let's face it - more offensive reliability than, say, Cesar Crespo. Having Nomar back for the rest of this season definitely isn't a bad thing. But I neither expect nor want this guy back on the team in 2005. Some Boston writer - I think it was Tony Massarotti - was saying how now Red Sox Nation knows what it will be like without Nomar, trying to work my heartstrings. Please. Ya, life without Nomar has been a real nightmare - the Sox only have the second best record in the AL and have had the best defensive shortstop in the league as well, woe is us, what shall we do. Let some other team overpay that schlub.

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

I don't call it the Rally Cuff for nothing. John Frakes and I wore a special rally cuff during service tonight just for Pedro, and lo and behold - an excellent game! Pedro was the Sweet P. of yore that we all know and love - not the colostomy-bag-wearing prison bitch that we witnessed in his last outing. Sweet P. went 8 innings with eight strikeouts, one walk, one hit batter and 2 hits. And, as much as I hate to compliment him, Shamu didn't do a bad job either, considering that it was his first start back off the DL. Keith Foulke picked up his thirteenth (I'm pretty sure) save of the season in a 1-2-3 ninth inning.
Johnny Damon got the sole RBI of the game. The Sox out-hit the Padres, yet continue to leave a lot of men on base. This problem has been very frustrating, but I'm hoping that once everyone is healthy and playing at their full capability (perhaps by the All Star break???) that problem will be minimized.
As Pedro was walking off the field after the eighth, my husband happened to comment how Pedro might resent everyone cheering him now after talking so much shit about him when he wasn't pitching well. My response: who gives a rat's ass? Pedro talks more shit than anyone else on that team, so I don't particularly care about his feelings. Just his pitching lines. Perhaps the side session on Saturday helped him out - I'll be very interested to watch his next start, which will come against the Dodgers at Fenway.
Mr. Useless is still not with the team. (That's the REAL Mr. Useless, Nomar, not the fill-in Mr. Useless, Gabe Kapler, who will become Mrs. Useless when/if Nomar ever plays.) And has anyone heard anything about Trot? He's the player I miss the most.
In any case, a very fun game to watch tonight. Hopefully it will set the tone for the rest of the homestand.

Monday, June 07, 2004

I've decided that since it is an off-day, I'm going to make an off topic post. Well, first I'd like to announce a new addition to my "5 Favorite Red Sox" list: Mark Bellhorn, congratulations! You are now one of my top five favorite Red Sox players! Even though you strike out a lot, you are getting your fair share of walks, RBIs and clutch hits. You're no slouch on defense, you wear your socks high, and you look eerily similar to my friend Josh Lowe. So congratulations to Mark Bellhorn for earning a much-coveted spot on my Top 5 Favorite Sox Players list. Speaking of Bellhorn, has anyone seen that guy smile ever? My husband and I were just talking about this the other day - we've never seen his facial expression change one iota. Mark Bellhorn is the new Todd Walker. Only cooler. And Bellhorn doesn't look like Kevin Nealon's mini-me.
Off topic: here are some books I have just finished, I am reading right now, or I am about to read - Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut, Candide by Voltaire, Women by Charles Bukowski (which I actually only made it 3/4 of the way through before it got so repetetive that I had to put it away) and Conversations with the Capeman by Richard Jacoby.
Off topic: the cicada infestation has finally made it's way to downtown Cincinnati, and I must say that those bugs are too dumb to live more than one month every seventeen years. I'm glad they will all be dead again in a week or two.
Off topic: When my cell phone rings, it plays "In Da Club" by 50 Cent.
The Song of the Day today is "Here Comes Your Man" by the Pixies. So many bands ripped the Pixies off that it's almost hard to remember how original they were at one point in time. I remember listening to this song when I was in my very early teens and not understanding what it was about. Now I know that it is about waiting for a drug dealer. Being an adult means finding out a bunch of stuff you never wanted to know, which is precisely why I refuse to grow up.

Sunday, June 06, 2004


I blame it on Crespo.  Posted by Hello

His suckiness is evidently contagious. Perhaps, like Pigpen from the old Peanuts cartoon, an aura of suck just surrounds him wherever he goes, and today Grimmsley and Harvey just happened to run through (and collide in) the cloud. In any case, the Sox managed to get another win today, thanks to a five-run fifth inning. The Sox were finally able to make the Royals pay for all the base-on-balls they had been giving up, and Timlin/Foulke were able to close the game out quite efficiently. I can't believe I'm about to say this, but Derek Lowe didn't do half badly today, by his own garbage-y standards. He cut his usual runs-given-up-per-game in half today, only giving up three over five innings, and at one point had retired something like nine batters in a row. (Don't you just love how vague I am while writing about a sport in which numbers are God?) Maybe it was the high socks. Sox have tomorrow off and then will start interleague play with a series against the Padres, which I believe will feature Pedro vs. that fat, beached walrus David Wells. There are also rumors going around that Nomar will make his first appearance of the season on Tuesday, but who knows. Mr. Useless.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

(please let me preface this entry by saying that it is full of nothing but hateful negativity and ranting and that in no way does it reflect the love that I really feel for this team or individual players, some of whom appear on my desktop as wallpaper and whose baseball cards are hung up on my station at work.)

Pedro shits the bed. Again. Posted by Hello

On the second day of June señor Martínez gave to me:
Eleven hits,
Seven earned runs,
5 fucking innings,
4 measley strikeouts,
2 base-on-balls,
One hit batter
And a 4.40 ERAaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I'm pissed. And I'm worried. I probably wouldn't be so pissed if I weren't so worried. Pedro just isn't the Sweet P. that we all know and love. He looked bad last night, and I'm past the point where I'm letting him off with the "settling into the season" excuse. Pedro keeps insisting that he is healthy, that he's just having problems locating pitches and this & that, but wtf?? I never thought the problem this year would be pitching.
First we've got Pedro, the Stepford Dominican, who looks the same and acts the same (i.e. talking a bunch of shit, which he has thusfar been unable to back up [ya, just keep telling us the management is spreading "untrue" "rumors" about your shoulder being held together with Stick-um and a Post-It note]) but who just isn't the same. Then we've got Schilling, who I keep hearing is bothered by an ankle problem, although I'm not sure whether this is true or not. Next is Wakefield, who - as fucked up as this is - kinda looks like the team ace right now. Wakey's a knuckleballer, and he's almost always going to give up a certain amount of hits and/or runs, but he has looked like the most consistent pitcher of the bunch. Then Lowe. Wow. Derek Lowe. No comment. And the fifth pitcher is either a) alternately brilliant and angeringly incompetant, or b) off doing God-knows-what God-knows-where, depending on whether you view Arroyo or Kim as the fifth starter. Add to this mess a complete fucking moron of a manager who has a Gradian concept of pulling pitchers and you get...you get...well, you get a team that is 2.5 games behind first place, has nine fucking players on the DL, and is about to embark on one of the toughest months of their season.
Just ducky.
Not to mention Gabe Kapler, who has filled in nicely as a substitute Mr. Useless until the real Mr. Useless comes back on Tuesday (at least we probably won't have to endure another at-bat from goddamn Cesar Crespo;) Manny Ramírez, who - as much as I love him and still hold him dear as my favorite Red Sox - is looking like he's chilling in a Barcalounger watching the Spice Channel with a Gameboy Advance and a 22 of Presidente beer on the basepaths as well as out in left field these days; Kevin "the Rally Killer" Millar, Brian "I look completely joyless even after I hit a homerun because even I am aware of how bad I suck" Daubach, and me, Sarah "I'm a fairweather fan who can't endure a couple of losses without thinking that the season is already over and we might as well roll over and take it in the ass from the Yankees like we always do" Martin. Hehe. ::wink::
:)

Wednesday, June 02, 2004


For Pete's sake... Posted by Hello

I'm turning off the television right now. Right now. There, it's off. It's the bottom of the seventh, one out, Keith Foulke just took the mound, and the score is 9-7. I'm not watching another single second of this bullshit. The first four innings of the game were pretty much spent in a contest to see which starting pitcher could suck the meanest dick. The first inning, two-run homer from Vlad seemed to give Pedro the early jump in this category, but ultimately Washburn proved to be worst (or best, depending on how you view being a complete and utter pole-smoker,) and was pulled from the game with the Sox on top 7-4. Then Tito - once again, might I add - completely mismanaged his pitching staff and sent an obviously gassed Pedro (who had very little to start the game and had absolutely nothing to offer by the sixth inning,) back out on the mound in classic Grady Little fashion. 7-5. Then bring on Mike Timlin, and presto! - the score is 8-7. Really fucking brilliant.
I'm sick and tired of Mike Timlin, I'm sick and tired of Terry Francona, and I'm sick and tired of watching Pedro looking like he spent more time prepping his goddamn jerri-curl than prepping for the game. Can the man get out of the first inning of a game without giving up at least one run???
One good thing - Manny hit another homerun tonight - I think it was his 15th of the season and the 362nd of his career. And that's about the only good thing I have to say right now.