The Boston Red Sox: Defenders of the 2004 World Championship!! "Whoever plunges into his experiences with the momentum of hope, will remember so that he cannot forget." - Soren Kierkegaard.

Monday, April 25, 2005

Fuck it, now is as good a time as any:

I have officially MOVED this site over to typepad.com. The new URL is www.rallycuff.typepad.com/rallycuff, so if any of you who have my blog linked up could kindly switch the address that would be hella cool. Please keep in mind that the new Rallycuff isn't 100% finished yet, so if you don't see your blog on the blogroll over there even though it is on this blogroll over here, don't get pissed 'cause it's still a work in progress. Thanks everyone, and hasta la never, Blogger.

Saturday, April 23, 2005

First off, let me just say that I have nothing but disdain for the Devil Rays as a team, as a fanbase, as a franchise and as individual people, down to a man. Except for Sweet Lou.

Second: I hate, hate, hate Scott Kazmir. I want to stuff his little bitch ass into a tire and roll him down Vine St. wearing a swastika t-shirt with a bag of crack pinned to the front. I would love to run into this guy at that Golden Moment of Drunkeness when you're so fucked up but you feel so good that you'll try anything, cause I bet I could whip his ass. Seriously. I'm about six feet tall, I weigh like 200 lbs, and I don't fight fair. Hmmm...the Tampa Bay Devil Rays are coming to Cincinnati in July to play the Reds...

Third: I cannot stand to listen to overly self-congratulatory announcers, especially when they are announcing for really mediocre/piss-poor teams like the Rockies or, say, the Devil Rays. I mean, Michael Kay is bad enough, but at least the Yankees have like, a winning history and the ever-present threat of being sent to the gulag by Czar Steinbrenner to back up his shameless dick suckery. But the Devil Rays? Did anyone get to see those guys? They have two of the worst toupees in the history of mankind, and if I have to hear anything else about how "electric" Scott Kazmir's stuff is or how great that wife-beating mongoloid Julio Lugo is I'm going to break something. You announce for the fucking DEVIL RAYS. Didn't you guys just have your first season not in last place or something? Or maybe it was your first season playing .300+ baseball, I can't remember. In any case, go fuck yourselves.

Fourth: What is up with the homeplate umpires the Sox have been getting lately? Last night the strike zone was apparently about the same size and shape as the outline of a Cadillac Catera if one were to park it a shade to the left of home plate. Not to mention that every close call was pretty much going to the D-Bags.

Fifth: "Boots" Bellhorn is trying my patience.

Sixth: Matt Mantei...wow...all I can say is that I hope he caught Varitek's cold from one of the mound visits his shoddy pitching necessitated.

Seventh: The Sox battled back against the D-Bags' "bullpen" to tie the score at 4 in the ninth inning, only to have Alan Embree come out in the bottom of the ninth and give up a walk-off home run on like the first pitch he threw, which is also known as "Pulling a Vazquez." Last night's game was like having your girlfriend over after school while your parents aren't home, but by the time you get her to make out with you it's like 5:00 and your dad is due home at any time and you end up getting half a handjob because right when shit is starting to get good you hear the car door slam in the driveway.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Clement pitched 8 scoreless innings for the Red Sox last night with 7 strikeouts, 8 hits and only 1 walk, which in itself is a victory of sorts for Clement. Kevin Millar doubled in the second inning and was later driven in by an RBI single from Ramon Vazquez (replacing the ailing Bill Mueller,) and that was the only run of the entire ballgame. I have to say that I'd never expect a game between the Sox and O's to turn into a pitcher's duel, since it seems like one or both teams always manages to put quite a few runs on the board, yet pitcher's duel it was.

Clement looked sharp. He's got so much movement on his stuff that it doesn't always hit the spot exactly where Varitek sets up his glove, but last night I thought his location was excellent. Which is probably why he only managed to walk one batter. Clement's opponent, Rodrigo Lopez, is usually one who gives the Sox starting lineup fits and last night was no different, although personally I think he had a little help from the homeplate umpire. Bob Welke's strike zone seemed to be about as consistent as a crackhead showing up to a day job, and it seemed to hurt the Sox more often than it hurt the Orioles. Manny and Ortiz were called out in consecutive at-bats on balls that appeared to be - at least from my comfortable view from my pillow - obviously outside the strike zone. Then Welke would turn around and call the same pitch a ball and cause Lopez to walk somebody. It was fucking retarded. But the Sox prevailed. I like to watch Clement pitch, but he is soooooo slow. He's slower than a drugged sloth tied to a glacier.

Manny was still in the lineup last night despite complaining of a sore left quad. What is it with this dude and his legs? Aren't they supposed to do like, workout programs over the off-season and like, stretching stuff before games to keep this sort of shit from happening? I mean, Manny complains about his legs every year. Usually around the All-Star Break, but I'm not trying to insinuate anything. Perhaps Manny would like to hire me as a volunteer leg rubber. No payment neccessary - believe me, the pleasure is all mine. Bill Mueller and Captain Tek both have colds, Mueller's bad enough to earn him a night off. And I've heard that Wade Miller is doing great in the minors and could be on the mound for the Red Sox as early as May 3rd. I can't wait to see what this cat can do. Only question is - who goes to the bullpen? Wakey or Arroyo? That's a tough one.

And please allow me to mention once more my imminent move over to Typepad.com. From this point on I will be posting every day in both locations until I finally get the balls to switch over. Feel free to visit the new RallyCuff and let me know what you think, even though it really won't change anything because I'm still going to move away from the acursed Blogger anyway.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

David Wells pitched eight innings of three-hit baseball last night against the hottest team in the majors, the Baltimore Orioles. This was very heartening for me, as I was kind of starting to second guess the wisdom of Theo's choice...but watching Boomer last night - shit, he made it look easy! Wells had 5 three-up/three-down innings and struck out 5. His opponent Bruce Chen (remember when he beat the Yankees in 2003 after Pedro went on the DL with a strained back?) wasn't as lucky: Chen was cruising through the first four innings, but ran into some trouble in the fifth when he allowed Varitek to score from third base on a balk. In the sixth inning, the very same Jason Varitek belted a three-run homer, making it 4-0 Sox. Damon scored on a single from Manny Ramírez in the seventh, and then in the eighth the Sox scored three more runs on an RBI double from Bill Mueller, an RBI single from Mark Bellhorn, and a sacrifice ground-out hit by Johnny Damon, which brought us to the final score: 8-0 Boston.

I feel pretty happy about the Sox winning this game. Not only are the Orioles the hottest hitting team in baseball right now, but they also traditionally have given the Red Sox fits. Now it seems that they're playing the Yankees a lot tougher this year. Perhaps the tables have turned. Time will tell: Matt Clement takes on Lopez tonight, who is officially the Red Sox's prison daddy. I don't know why but he absolutely stymies the Sox line-up. I hate him.

I'm so excited about going to Detroit on May 2nd! For one thing, I get to see my good buddy Paulie, whom I have not seen since we went to Boston for the World Series. Second of all, I've never been to Comerica Park, so I can cross another ballpark off my list. And third of all, we have what should be great seats behind the visiting on-deck circle. Oh ya, and did I mention that the Red Sox will be in town? I can't waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait!

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


Nomar chilling in the infield during the Cubs' BP. Posted by Hello


Nomar taking BP. We were way out in right field and they wouldn't let us down by home plate without a ticket. Assholes. Posted by Hello


My friend Chris and I. I'm enjoying a licorice rope. Mmmmmm. Posted by Hello


Mark Prior warming up. He whipped the Reds' asses. Posted by Hello


Our man Wily Mo Peña again. Posted by Hello


Your quintessential Chicago Cubs fan. No comment. Posted by Hello

Incidentally, that particular Cubs fan was also brandishing a hot dog, claiming that every time he ate a hot dog the Cubs would get a home run. Other Cubs fans in the vicinity actually started to buy him hot dogs. The guy wouldn't shut up about it. Deeply weird. In any case, the Reds got pasted to the tune of 7-1, but it didn't matter since Chris and I were too busy sexually harassing Wily Mo Peña to care.

The Sox suffered a frustrating loss at the hands of the bullpen, squandering a hard-fought game by Bronson Arroyo and yet another homerun from Manolito (over the fucking light towers!!!!! SWEET JUMPING JESUS!) as well as Big Dada. Alan Embree came in a gave up a two-run homer, and then Keith Foulke allowed a hit to score what ended up being the winning run for the Blue Jays. Whatever magic Foulke possessed in October seems to be momentarily cashed as he has pretty much struggled thusfar. Disturbing. But it's still early. And hey, at least we're not the Yankees.

It is fucking AMAZING to witness the display of bad-assery that Manny is putting on right now, but I wish he'd slow the pace a little bit so that I have a chance to see his 400th career homerun when we go to Detroit on May 2nd. I'd cry happy tears.

Monday, April 18, 2005


Jonathan and I went to the Reds/Astros game yesterday, and I have to admit that there is one person on Cincinnati's hick team that I secretly root for, and that is Wily Mo Peña. Ever since he came up on the big league team last year, Mike and I have been following his performance. We've even been calling one of our cats Wily Mo. (Don't tell anybody that, then people will think that I like the Reds when I definitely do not.) He's a young kid from the Dominican Republic with a lot of power but also a lot of room for improvement in the outfield. And he's got a knack for having a dramatic flair. Mike and I are both daydreaming about his eventual trade to the Red Sox. Wily Mo would be perfect in a Boston uniform: he consistently has a bad haircut, he always has some ghetto-ass batting music (yesterday it was Twista,) he's Dominican, and he has some dicey defensive work under his belt. I'm not going to lie - I lust after Wily Mo, in a strictly baseball sort of way.

Anyway, yesterday Wily Mo hit a three-run homer off of Astro's pitcher Brandon Duckworth that went 498 feet. 498. We were sitting out in left field, almost right behind Adam "Strikeout or Homer" Dunn, and this ball sailed over the section to the left of us and way back into the second tier bleacher seats. Holy shit. Then later, in the eighth inning, after the Reds' atrocious bullpen had allowed the game to become tied at 5, Wily Mo comes up and drives in the go-ahead run with a long, long double. I love this kid. Can you imagine what he could do if he were constantly around Manny and Ortiz?? And seeing as how the Reds have a penchant for trading away good young talent at the drop of a hat when they have their annual "Falling Out of Contention" sale in July, I'm sure Peña will be available. Um, as to where he'd play, I haven't figured that out yet. I just want him on the Red Sox.

Other things about going to the Reds game:

A smattering of Reds fans booed Ken Griffey Jr. when he was unable to get to a double that no one in the game could have caught, and I think that's pretty shitty. I mean, don't get me wrong - there are plenty of reasons to boo Ken Griffey Jr, most of which revolve around his salary and his never-ending stints on the DL - but to just boo him on a routine play...I was a little surprised to hear that. Booing your own team is so lame.

I can't stand the constant games and announcements that go on between innings at that ballpark. It's like they don't think we can be happy just paying attention to the game. Why do we have to watch a race between stupid animated baseballs on the scoreboard or vote on a "Song of the Game?" I understand doing goofy shit during the 7th inning stretch, but nowadays there isn't any time for goofy shit since for some reason we have to stand for America the Beautiful or whatever the fuck they're making us take our hats off for these days. It's getting sort of out-of-control. How about a nice round of "Take Me Out To The Ballgame" and then get on with the fucking game? Maybe I'm just a traditionalist. It was still fun, though.

Sunday, April 17, 2005


It was only a matter of time.

I have now managed to win Player of the Game for three straight games. Last night I decided to pick Manny one last time before I totally abandoned him for a couple weeks, mostly for sentimental reasons: now that Pedro is gone, Manny has gone from my Second Favorite Red Sox to the top of the list, and I'll admit to cheering just a wee bit harder for him than I do for everyone else. So even though he's fucked me over several times in the past week and a half, I decided to give him one last chance to redeem himself. Mike, meanwhile, picked Johnny Damon. Considering that my pick drove in all of the Red Sox's 6 runs on a two-run homer and a grand slam, I think I won.

And goddamnit, let the season begin. The Sox are on a very modest but never-the-less very good feeling win streak (3 games,) Manny is hitting again, and all seems right with the world. Oh, and it's been a pleasure to watch Renteria on defense these past few games. Damn I love baseball.

I'm going to the Reds/Astros game today with Jonathan - maybe I'll post some pics.